That Time I Got a Job…Then Resigned

Today is the day after a week of blurry, nauseating, head-spinning, stomach churning tornado of anxiety. It’s also the day after I handed in my resignation letter to a job I started three weeks ago.

Today is two days after I had a long talk with my boss about how passionless I felt in a job that I thought was meant to be..in a job I thought was a ray of shining hope after a long year and a half of disappointment and heart breaking realizations.

Today is three days after I sat for hours crying wondering where my place was in this world, wondering what was wrong with me, wondering why I couldn’t seem to catch a break, wondering why this cookie-cutter mold of “success” didn’t fit right and no matter how many times I had a refitting, an adjustment, a realignment, it still didn’t fit.

Today is four days after I asked my husband what my problem was, and he replied, “Your problem is that you don’t want to be a slave”.

So what do I do now. I couldn’t stand to sit in traffic for hours, sit behind a desk, sit at meetings…eat, sleep, complain, repeat. I went from being so proud that I was actually “adulting”, to so miserable that this was what “adulting” meant. I wanted a job where I could make an impact, and more so see the impact I was making, and I felt like the biggest, weirdest, most confused elephant in the room. So I did what any “millennial” would – I googled to see who else was feeling like I was *please tell me I’m not alone*, and I found this article: Why Millennials want government jobs (and then quit them). And I said to myself “holy crap! this author must be my spirit animal”. Obviously this was the only explanation for an article written a year ago to speak to me in such a way.

Moving on, I’m thinking to myself, what’s my message… #makeyourownway

That’s my mantra moving on, after a year of postgrad applications waiting for others to accept me, scholarship applications waiting for others to help me, job application waiting on others to see my worth – I think I’ve had enough. Make your own way is what I have to tell myself so I don’t go mad. The fear of failing, fear of not living up to my true potential, fear of running out of money, fear of being ridiculed, fear of being judged…all these are things I battle with every single day and to get through it I must convince myself that placing one metaphorical (and literal) foot in front of the other is worth it.

I am worth it.

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4 thoughts on “That Time I Got a Job…Then Resigned

  1. And some of us see the job as the means to the end but rest assured you are not the only one to feel this way about a job that does not fit you. Remind me to tell you the story of the time I worked for a public hospital. I experienced all the feelings you had too. I am one of the fortunate ones that found the dream job early on in life.

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  2. This is great!!! I absolutely love this because I share the same sentiments. So many people rather complain and go to meetings and do the same things everyday and be bounded by a different form of slavery. But you know your true passion you know your self worth.

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  3. Well girl, I went through the same thing in in 1981 (ISCOTT), 1983 (TELCO), 1986 (ISCOTT again) and 1989 (CARIRI), at that time I started my own business, at the height of the recession in Trinidad. For the first three or four months of opening for business the company income was a whopping $300.00TT. With the monthly rent of $1200.00 it was hard but I was fortunate since I had a very supportive wife who carried all of the family bills until I would see above the waterline and sister-in-law who was willing to work for free. Yet, for all the lack of money, I have never looked back it was the best decision that I ever made, well second best, the best was when I decided to ask mummy to be my traveling companion. I know that you don’t like this thought but, “have faith things will workout.” Remember Dory, “Just keep swimming”.
    Daddy

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